1. What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
-This question blew my mind, but I recovered. Here is your answer: Launch the animal into space. The plant did nothing wrong in this situation.
2. If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
-The doctor will work on himself/herself; they are that good.
3. How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on?
- This is a dumb question. Moving on.
4. Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?
- Sunlight would, over time, degrade the colours to a whitish freak show, making your house look hideous. Try leaving a tye died shirt on the dash of a car for a few months, you’ll see what I mean.
5. Would you ever consider riding a mattress down the stairs?
- I did, but I can’t remember what happened because I busted my head open. People always ask why I bought a red mattress…
6. Have you ever considered dying your eyebrows?
- No. Just no.
7. How does your chin feel?
- It uses a series of neurons, each able to detect hot, cold, light touch and pressure. These neurons go to my brain, the same one that’s thinking right now why I’m answering 56 questions.
8. Is it illegal to drive backwards on a road?
- Have you ever parallel parked a car before? Of course you haven’t.
9. Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
- The amount of milk (white) vastly outweighs the amount of vanilla you use (brown). Now if we flipped the script and used a gallon of vanilla and a drop of milk, you would have some brown, disgusting ice cream. Does this answer suffice?
10. Have you ever looked up the word dictionary in a dictionary?
11.When's your birthday?
- July 5th. I would be a day older if the fireworks didn’t scare me from leaving the womb.
12. What's your favorite song?
- Man in the Mirror- Michael J
13. What's your favorite kind of hat?
- The baseball cap.
14. What is your shoe size?
15. Do you sleep open with your closet doors open or closed?
- Sleep open? What? Proof read people! Open, I have cats that do their nightly patrol of the house, including closets.
16. Do you take the shampoo and conditioner bottles from the hotel?
17. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
- That is highly illegal (yes)
18. At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
19. Can you daydream at night?
20. If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?
- No such thing as ghosts. Next.
21. Why do people say beans beans the magical fruit when beans are vegetables?
- Are beans vegetables? They are legumes. I’m looking this up. I was right. Neither veg nor fruit; legumes.
22. If laughter is the best medicine, who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'?
- Too much of a good thing can be deadly.
23. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
- This one got me laughing. Congrats. I am speechless.
24. Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?
- Sounds much cuter than saying “Hey bill, fill this box with chunks of plastic.”
25. Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
- Historically, rabbits are considered by many cultures as symbols of fertility, and eggs too are symbols of fertility. And who said the rabbits are laying them? I have eggs, and I’m cooking them tomorrow for breakfast. Doesn’t mean I laid them. Now I am upset.
26. Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
- You do not want to get Siamese twins upset, so I would wager one ticket and a double feature for them.
27. Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?
- They make you jolly, although personally they stick to my teeth and make me miserable. Marketing. That’s your answer.
28. Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
- You can give care, and take care of someone. I see no problem with this.
29. Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person?
- From high up, yes. You’ve seen me stand on tables here and there.
30. If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?
- They have to wear a wig, then a hairnet. When have you ever seen a bald chef?
31. If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, does it go bad if the cow isn't refrigerated?
- The cow is constantly producing new milk, while the old is passed out of the body or ingested by calves and people eating cereal.
32. Do prison buses have emergency exits?
- Yes, they are padlocked, and only guards have the keys to open them in case of emergency. We both learned something.
33. Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space?
- No, they use the time zone they launched from. If they launch from Florida, they stay on Eastern time.
34. When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?
- Those that are in the area that the electrons spread out from will dye or become stunned. Easy meal if you are in the right place at the right time.
35. When there's two men who get married, do they both go to the same bachelor party?
- I’m not bothering with this one to save myself a headache.
36. If a guy that was about to die in the electric chair had a heart attack should they save him?
- I do not believe in the death penalty, so ethically yes they should.
37. If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?
- I just looked up the answer to this and it was frightfully more violent than I thought. Kids dying, and Viking attacks.
38. Why is it that before 9/11 they always showed the emergency broadcast system test, and on 9/11 they never used it?
- I think the radio and television let people know something was going down in the US.
39. Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull a baby to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle on the ground?
- These questions are getting pretty grim. I think it is to teach future mothers not to place the crib in trees. Maybe this was a thing?
40. If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?
- Because your parents care about you, and typically you don’t want to eat candy from random people.
41. Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?
- The movie and credits only.
41. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
- There was a time when no mattresses were on sale. A huge, bloody war took place between sellers and buyers over this, and the customer won. The customer ALWAYS wins.
42. What does PU stand for (as in "PU, that stinks!")?
- Piu is an Indo-European word meaning rot or decay. Like “Piu, did Alexandra just enter the class?”
43. Can cannibals be arrested for being under the influence of alcohol (drunk-driving) if they have eaten someone who was drunk?
- In a society with laws like that, I think they would be in trouble for more than just driving drunk.
44. If Mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
- Earth can mean rocky surface. But sure, why not?
45. Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
- It’s hard to say anything when you are smiling and grinning.
46. If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
- They probably have to. Yeah. Definitely.
47. Do you yawn in your sleep?
- No. I am getting my rest.
48. Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs butts?
- It’s less about liking the smell, and more about what the dog is saying via butt-scents. They might even hate the fact that they have to smell butts.
49. If a cannibal was on death row could he ask for the last guy that was electricuted for his last meal?
- Another cannibal question. Should I get Ms. Nelson involved? Yes. Whatever. If I were offered a last meal, it would be a jet pack and keys to the handcuffs, with a side of cornbread.
50. Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?
- If the luminosity of the room is brighter than the object, sure why not.
51. If you died with braces on would they take them off?
- That is up to the family or loved one. If the loved one is a dentist, they would probably leave them on.
52. What's the most unusual conversation you've had?
- A few years ago I was giving blood, when suddenly I blacked out. I woke up on the floor with amnesia, and had to ask the doctor who I was and where we were. Very scary, and it haunts me to this day. I am being serious.
53. If you had to marry a fictional character who would it be?
- Ursala from Little from Little Murmaid because she is a powerful and independent woman.
54. What was your last dream?
- This is from last night: My cat was crying. I picked him up and over my shoulder to pat him on the back. His paws ended up melding with my skin, and I woke up screaming.
55. If you could choose your dream, what would happened?
- Flying dreams with delicious ice cream of all flavors.
1st) Why does McDonald not sell hotdogs? They did for a while, until rats were put on the endangered species list.
2nd) Can crop circles be square? Why not? Sure. I find this question offensive.
3rd) Leather is made from cow hide. If you leave your leather jacket outside and it rains, your jacket is ruined. If you leave your cow outside and it rains, your cow isn't ruined. Why? Firstly, its rude to leave your cow outside in the rain; I let mine stay in the guest bedroom. But in terms of cow hides shrinking, it's no longer made of living cells that can nourished the material. I'm guessing that once it is detached from the cow... who am i kidding, i cannot find anything on this. Your life's ambition should be to find the answer to this quandary.
4th) Who is your favorite super hero? #1- Ironman. #2- Raoul Wallenberg
5th) Do you like cheese? Yes
6th) If so, what is your favorite type of cheese? Sharp Cheddar